Filed under Film

LAMMYS 2013 – Peddling My Wares

I’m very pleased to announce that I have been nominated for 3 LAMMY awards – Best New Lamb, Best Reviewer and Best Rating System. I had the potential of being nominated for a few others but there were so many amazing blogs in the mix that it’s not disheartening in the slightest to have only got the 3 nominations.

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I would like to say a huge thank you to anyone who has voted for me thus far – Mark from Marked Movies, Keith from Keith & The Movies, and Ruth from Flixchatter all threw my name in the hat at the initial submission stage, so a massive thank you to them. If I have missed you out here, I apologise and I of course extend my thanks to you too. Also, a big thank you to Joel and David who have worked so hard to make the LAMMYS possible. So here’s a little blurb about why you should vote for me in the aforementioned categories…

Best New Lamb

The blog has actually been active now for over 12 months but this is my first year of taking part in the LAMMYS. It was a somewhat slow start and took me a while to build up a readership (something I partly blame on my ambiguous blog title), but I now feel a proper part of the movie blogging community. I try to pitch in with comments and ‘likes’ when I can, as well as taking part in blogathons and offering guest reviews. As with all categories, there are some truly brilliant blogs in the mix here and it’s an honour to be nominated alongside them.

Artist’s impression of my potential winning speech

Best Reviewer

Most of the posts on here are reviews. I mix it up occasionally with features and whatnot, but it is mainly reviews. I like to think I’ve found a good style of writing and hope that I offer both the positive and negative aspects of a film. I try not to be totally subjective and do try to recognise whether the film would appeal to other people rather than just my own tastes. I try to review as wide a variety of films as possible from new releases to classic films and everything in between. Again, I’m in very esteemed company with this one, but it’d be nothing short of amazing if you gave me a vote.

Best Rating System

The big one. I’m actually quite surprised I’m nominated in this one to be honest, must have been rather slim pickings. I just use pigeons instead of stars, nothing much more to it than that to be honest. Still, if you want to vote for me, I’m not going to stop you! Didn’t really do a good job of selling this one, did I? Still, my pigeons are happy :)

5 pigeons

So there we go, that’s where we’re at. You can place your votes here, although you do have to be a member of the LAMB to vote. Whether I end up winning or not, it really is amazing to be nominated. However, I am practising my gracious loser face and modelling it on the below…

UiGBL

Thanks,

Chris

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Movie Grievances: Bad Film Posters

Along with trailers, film posters are one of the biggest tools a PR agency has to promote a new film. A good film poster can get your mind racing and get the blood pumping as you eagerly anticipate the film’s release. Posters are some of the first interactions people have with a film and can instantly determine their excitement levels towards it. So why, oh why, do they often end up looking like they were made by a blind kindergarten child? There are some incredibly talented graphic designers and Photoshoppers out there whose talents are clearly going to waste whilst idiot with clearly no interest in movies knocks something together on MS Paint.

And it’s bad enough that someone has actually created such monstrosities, but someone at the film’s PR agency, whose job it is to advertise the film and make people actually want to watch it, will have signed it off. Surely a quick quality control check by anyone with eyes would be enough to set the sirens off and ensure whoever vomited up these pieces of crap are never allowed near a stock photo of Jessica Biel or Katherine Heigl again.

Here I have highlighted some of the reasons why bad movie posters annoy me so much…

The Bad Photoshop

The PenthouseBy far the most ubiquitous amongst awful movie posters, the bad Photoshop is also the most obvious of fuck ups. Often found on posters of generic romantic comedies, it requires only rudimentary Photoshop skills to cut actors from stock photos and position next to other actors obviously cut from a separate stock photo. There may also be face transplants, limb extension/reduction, mismatched lines of sight, and various other reality puncturing mistakes. What gets me about these is that I don’t understand why it’s so hard to just take a photo of the actors together at the same time. Sure, that’s not always easy, especially if the poster is coming out way ahead of the film, but it should be in their contract that they should be available for such purposes.

Just look at the adjacent poster for The Penthouse. Look at it good and hard. In fact, you don’t have to look at it good and hard; it’s so blatantly abhorrent it verges on offensive. Are we seriously meant to believe that all of those people are in the same bed at the same time? I’d also wager that none of those actors’ faces actually belong to their bodies. It raises so many questions. Why does Rider Strong only have half a chest? Where are Kayley Cuoco’s legs ( I think that’s here in the middle), just where is she gazing, and why is she trying to crush Mya? I can only imagine the unimpressed look on Corey Large’s face is because he was privvy to an early mock up of this poster.

This is but one of hundreds, if not thousands, of badly Photoshopped film posters. I know some films have small budgets but there are some talented artists, graphic designers, Photoshoppers out there. it can’t be that difficult to find one.

See also: The Accidental Husband, The Bounty Hunter, The Whole Ten Yards

The Deliberately Misleading

My GirlI doubt there are many people who would base their decision whether to see a film or not solely on a poster, and judging by some posters that’s probably a good thing. Correct me if I’m wrong, but a film’s poster is supposed to give some sort of idea as to the tone of the film. Disney always have jolly and colourful posters, whilst horror films usually have dark and foreboding ones. Not exactly rocket science. So why make a poster that can only be described as intentionally misleading? The one that jumps out at me more than any other in this respect is My Girl.

What a heartwarming and delightful film My Girl must be based on that poster. Macaulay Culkin and Anna Chlumsky look like they’re having a blast enjoying the best days of their life. That is until Macaulay Culkin GETS KILLED BY A HUGE SWARM OF BEES! Yep, stung to death. Of course, there are nicey nice issues going on as well but nothing can mask the fact that a child (and a child who was universally loved at the time thanks to Home Alone) had been offed by a load of bees. Good luck with your traumatised children.

See also: Seven Psychopaths (the one where they list people as psychopaths who aren’t the psychopaths in the film), My Sister’s Keeper, Kramer vs Kramer

The Disconcertingly Vague

This is kind of a sub-section the misleading poster in that it offers no clue whatsoever as to what the film is actually about. These are perhaps the laziest of all posters as they take no creative thought; at least badly Photoshopped posters are a dearth of skill rather than imagination. You can glean little to no information from these posters, and they’re often only used to shove down your throat the fact that a Hollywood star has a new film out – it doesn’t matter what the film is about; all that matters is that it exists and you should tip your wallet over the nearest box office cashier so you can watch it.

Now that’s not to say that the films these posters are advertising are bad, because a lot of them aren’t. A lot of them are pretty good; it’s just the poster that’s terrible. Take Jerry Maguire over there – perfectly good film but apparently the only thing we need to know about it is that Tom Cruise is in it. And maybe the fact he wears a shirt and tie. Other than that, this could be a film about drug addiction, a rogue CIA agent or Tom Cruise might end up being killed by a swarm of bees.

It should also be noted that teaser posters are not included here. Teaser posters are supposed to be vague and are therefore exempt from this rant. They can still be rubbish though.

See also: Vanilla Sky, Hitch, Funny People

The Mismatched Names

Morning GloryThis is probably the least obvious and more sporadically occurring of bad movie posters but it is one that has always annoyed me. So, to clarify, this is where you have two or more actors on the posters, usually lined up, and the names at the top listing who’s in the film do not match up with the pictures underneath. So you could have Brad Pitt’s name above Julia Roberts’ face. Now I know this is down to contract stuff and the names aren’t necessarily there to indicate who the actor below is, etc, etc, but it still looks weird. On some posters it’s not all that obvious but for some it sticks out a mile and someone really should have flagged it up. If it’s not possible to do the simple thing and switch the names around due to whatever reason, then surely it’s not too difficult to edit the photo and move some people around so everything matches up. Maybe this is me just being a little obsessive compulsive but, again, it just smacks of laziness.

This poster for Morning Glory is a perfect example. The names are so close to the actors’ heads that it’s almost impossible to notice they don’t match, and once you’ve noticed it, it becomes more and more obvious. They’ve managed to get Diane Keaton right; that’s definitely Diane Keaton, but Harrison Ford and Rachel McAdams are almost certainly wrong. When there’s little else happening in the poster other than having the three of them standing there (this could also be a vague poster, in fact), the whole thing is amplified even more.

See also: Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, Network, Sherlock Holmes

So there we have it – some example of how bad film posters annoy me. Are there any that particularly do your head in for whatever reason? Leave a comment and let me know.

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LAMMYS 2012/13 – For your consideration

Although I’ve had this blog for over a year now, this is the first time I’ve taken part in the LAMMY awards and I’m very excited about being a part of it. First of all, I would just like to say a huge thank you to every single person who has liked, commented on and shared any of my posts; it really makes the effort feel worthwhile and I get a real buzz from seeing a new comment pop up on a post.

I have been fortunate enough to have been put forward for the first stage of LAMMY nominations in several categories but to actually be one of the nominations, I need my readers to help a blogger out and vote for me. Yes, I’m arrogant enough that I nominated myself for some (not all!) of these categories, but you can’t win if you don’t buy a ticket! So here are the categories I am nominated for…

  • Best blog

  • Best new LAMB

  • Funniest writer

  • Best running feature – What is…?

  • Most knowledgeable

  • Best reviewer

  • Best ratings system

So this is me asking for LAMB members to consider me in their voting. There are some amazing blogs out there who are far more deserving than me but if you do fancy slinging a nomination my way then I would be more than grateful. I’m not going to go campaigning and bleating on about it here, there and everywhere, so this is likely to be my only post on this unless I actually get nominated further down the line.

You can vote by clicking this linkhttps://www.surveymonkey.com/s/T6PCWCN

And here is a poster I made stole and butchered to unashamedly try and swing your vote…

lamb poster

If you do decide that you want to vote for me then you have my eternal gratitude.

Thanks, as always

Chris

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A Week at Bernie's Guest Post: School of Rock

Reblogged from Not Now I'm Drinking a Beer and Watching a Movie:

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School of Rock was the film that first put Jack Black on the radar of many people (myself included). In this guest post, Chris from the fantastic Terry Malloy's Pigeon Coop sees how it holds up.

Say what you want about Jack Black but when he finds a role that fits, he can give some pretty entertaining performances. School of Rock (2003) doesn’t just fit with him; it’s the perfect fit.

Read more… 565 more words

Tim over at Not Now I'm Watching a Movie and Drinking a Beer is running a Jack Black showcase, A Week at Bernie's, of which I am a part of with my look back at School of Rock and why I love it. He's also offering the chance to win Black's Bernie on DVD. Head on over and check it out.
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Looking Back/Looking Forward – My Janus Post

Odd title that, I know. Not if you’re a fan of the James Bond flick Goldeneye though. Or if you have a knowledge of Roman mythology. You see, Janus is the Roman god of beginnings and transition. He has two heads: one looking backwards and one forwards and is how the month of January got its name.

Janus

This is my post looking back over 2012 and looking forward to 2013. Anyway, enough of that essentially pointless information. Let’s crack on.

Looking Back – 2012

I didn’t start this blog until March, so I can’t comment on anything before then but plenty has happened since. When I first started, I was posting all sorts of things like trailers and previews of the films out that week but it wasn’t long before I couldn’t keep up with all of that and decided to just post what I wanted when I wanted. Much easier. So what are my film highlights of 2012?

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2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 33,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 8 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

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My (Movie-Related) Letter to Santa

Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I guess I’ve been good this year. I ran a marathon in aid of dying kids; that’s pretty good I think you’ll agree. And anything naughty I did, well, it wasn’t my fault, honest. I mean, I thought airlines just frowned upon that kind of thing. I didn’t realise it was illegal. And how was I supposed to know what is and what isn’t a suitable house pet. I realised it after a few weeks anyway.

Anyway, taking into account all the good stuff I’ve done, I was wondering if you could have a read over my letter and see if you and your elves could make my movie dreams come true for 2013. I would like:

1. For my local cinemas to show a wider variety of films

This is my main wish. If you only grant one, I want it to be this one. I have two local cinemas – a Vue and a Cineworld. Spoilt for choice you may think, but not so. Both cinemas, for the large part, only show the big blockbusters. This is understandable to a point, as these are the films that are likely to be more popular. Supply and demand – I get that. However, I have missed out on a fair few films this year largely because they have either been bumped completely or have been given dodgy show times to make room for extra showings of other films. Just recently, I missed out on The Imposter, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Ruby Sparks, and Rust and Bone, all films I was looking forward to seeing. My local Cineworld didn’t even show Argo or The Master at all – two of the most anticipated films of the year.

Therefore, Santa, in 2013 I would appreciate it if you could have a word with the men in suits at these cinemas and ask them nicely to show a wider selection. I would love to be able to travel for an hour to another cinema but I simply don’t have the time.

2. For NetFlix UK to sort itself out

Here in the UK, NetFlix is still a relatively new service and, at first glance, it appears to be an excellent service with loads of stuff to watch. However, scratch the surface and it really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The US service dwarfs the UK version and the rate that we get new stuff is pretty slow. There are still a few gems on there that I haven’t checked out, but I’d like more of an indication that they are committed to adding new and up-to-date stuff, not just documentaries that have been around for ten years or crappy straight to DVD releases. The US version has recently signed a deal with Disney and has had an influx of of Disney films recently. I’m a little confused as to why the UK service does not work the same way. I know I could biff NetFlix off and go elsewhere but the only other streaming service out there is LoveFilm, which has its own problems. I would rent more films from iTunes or wherever, but as the UK doesn’t have widespread fibreoptic Internet, it can take literally hours to download a film. First world problems, eh?

3. For other cinema-goers to learn some manners

Of course, I know this does not relate to any of my fellow bloggers; we know how things go down once the lights do (not as seedy as it sounds). However, not everyone is as considerate as we are, and I would very much like some cinema-goers to just take a minute to think about other people who are also watching the film. Do we want to hear their conversation? No. Do we want to be distracted by them checking your Facebook? Definitely not. How about I constantly kick the back of their set and see how they like it.

4. More time

I realise I’m pushing it with this one, but I would absolutely love a bit more time to squeeze in more films. I’d watch films every single day if I could but time simply does not permit this. Sometimes I’m lucky if I watch more than a film a week. So, Santa, if you could somehow magically make it so I have more time, that’d be great. Obviously, this doesn’t mean getting me sacked from my job. I know what you’re thinking.

5. The Stanley Kubrick Blu-ray collection

This would be ace. I think you can probably get it off Amazon.

So there we Santa; those are my Christmas wishes. I know you’re pretty busy this time of the year but if you could see what you could do, I’d appreciate it. I’ll make sure to leave an extra mince pie out for you.

Best wishes,

Chris (aka Terry Malloy)

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3 for 1 - Terry Malloy's Pigeon Coop

Reblogged from CinEnemA:

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Hello gophers, glamorous ghouls and gargoyles,

It's Monday again. That can only mean one thing: 3 for 1 !

This week, Chris Thomson of Terry Malloy's Pigeon Coop mega-fame has  been kind enough to supply us with his choices for 3 for 1. In case you did not visit his blog yet (you must be one strange person!), you should do that immediately as he writes about all sorts of awesome movies.

Read more… 343 more words

Catalin over at CinEnemA kindly asked me to take part in the 3 for 1 series he's currently running. He gave me the year 1982 and I had to come up with three films from that year that had a common denominator - one that's a 'must see', one that's 'worth watching', and one to 'don't bother' watching. Big thanks to Catalin for asking me to get involved!
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What is… Chiaroscuro?

Chiaroscuro, Italian for light-dark, is a lighting technique created by stark contrasts between light and shadow. It is used in almost all forms of art and was popularised by Renaissance painters to give depth to three-dimensional objects in their work. Caravaggio was one of the biggest proponents of the technique, as shown in an example of his work below, Judith Beheading Holofernes.

Caravaggio’s Judith Beheading Holofernes is an example of chiaroscuro in Renaissance paintings

Fast-forward a bit from the Renaissance era and chiaroscuro is used to great effect in films, too. Nosferatu, the 1922 vampire flick, uses shadow very effectively, whilst it has become an integral part of some directors’ work, Orson Welles and Alfred Hitchcock to name but two. See below for a couple of examples…

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What Dya Mean You Haven’t Seen… The Seventh Seal?

For those who don’t know what these ‘What Dya Mean You Haven’t Seen…?’ posts are about, they are basically me catching up on and discussing films I probably should have seen by now and when I tell people I haven’t seen them, their response is often along the lines of ‘what dya mean you haven’t seen X?’. See what I’ve done?

I chose The Seventh Seal because I have heard so many amazing things about Ingmar Bergman and yet his films remain a bit of a gap in my film viewing. I watched Wild Strawberries whilst I was at university but didn’t really wrap my head around it, so I thought I’d give another of his films a whirl.

Plot: Antonius Block (Max von Sydow) is a knight returning from the Crusades where, on a beach, he is confronted by Death (Bengt Ekerot) who tells him it is his time to go. Antonius then challenges Death to a game of chess, stating that if he wins he must be allowed to go on living, and whilst the game goes on Death cannot take him. Death agrees to the game and the two play at intervals as Block, along with his squire Jöns (Gunnar Björnstrand), go on their travels. Throughout the land, the Black Death is taking hold, killing thousands of people, prompting Block to head for his castle where he believes he will be safer. Along the way, they are joined by others who are promised refuge in their castle. However, the omnipotent presence of Death constantly hangs over their shoulder during their various encounters.

It’s an incredibly difficult film to sum up as it’s easy to not give enough of a synopsis to let people know the story, but equally easy to go overboard and harp on about every last scene. There are many, many themes running through The Seventh Seal and it’s likely that only Bergman himself can fully explain it all. There is so much to contemplate and pontificate on that you could go mad trying to analyse every last shot, but there is also a fairly straightforward story at the heart which folk can enjoy even if they don’t buy into the whole critical analysis thing.

One of the major themes is that of Antonius having a crisis of faith, becoming disillusioned with the existence of God. This isn’t particularly ambiguous as it’s spelled out a few times throughout, and is reported to come from Bergman’s own wavering beliefs. Antonius’s confidence in God has obviously been shaken and it’s an understandable view that our protagonist has. He has just returned from the Crusades where he no doubt saw countless people die and the Black Death is currently ravaging Europe. What kind of a God would let that happen? It’s an argument that is likely as old as religion itself, and some could argue that this is an anti-religion message. This argument is strengthened by Antonius’s constant questioning of a higher power – “Faith is a torment. It is like loving someone who is out there in the darkness but never appears, no matter how loudly you call.”

One of the most iconic images in cinema

However, it could also be argued that the film paints a negative picture of those who are not religious. Antonius is questioning his faith as Death comes to take him away and is distraught at this, suggesting that those who accept God, no matter whether he shows himself or not, will be much less afraid when death becomes them. Furthermore, the family of circus travellers, Mia (Bibi Andersson) and Jof (Nils Poppe) and their child, that Antonius and Jöns encounter are obviously a symbol of a Holy family, representing Mary, Joseph and Jesus. The fact that these three are spared their lives whilst others die, could be read as a pro-religious message. Personally, I believe that it is more anti-religious and the sparing of the ‘Holy family’ is more to do with their kindness and good nature than anything else.

Because The Seventh Seal is also about finding purpose in one’s life and doing good in the limited amount of time we have. Mia and Jof are constantly striving to do good. As circus travellers, their aim is to make people happy, and they are trying to do this during an outbreak of the plague when there’s not much to be happy about. They also offer Antonius and Jöns food and drink even though they do not know them, which leads Antonius to speak some of the most heartfelt lines in the film – “I shall remember this moment: the silence, the twilight, the bowl of strawberries, the bowl of milk. Your faces in the evening light. Mikael asleep, Jof with his lyre. I shall try to remember our talk. I shall carry this memory carefully in my hands as if it were a bowl brimful of fresh milk. It will be a sign to me, and a great sufficiency.” Here Antonius seems truly happy for perhaps the only time in the film and it is because of the generosity of others. He is close to death, literally, and yet he is comforted by people who make him happy; this is his way of dealing with the inevitable.

Danse Macabre – The Dance of Death

The threat of death and Death is constant throughout. Antonius’s game of chess continues along their travels, whilst the Black Death is constantly biting at their ankles. It’s speculated that this is Bergman’s response to the new nuclear threat following World War II; death is just around the corner and could call at any moment. Death also doesn’t care who you are, it doesn’t discriminate and doesn’t care whether you believe in God or not; it is inescapable and cannot be cheated. This is highlighted in the scene with the girl who is being burned alive for allegedly being a witch. We’re never sure whether she is a witch or not, but death doesn’t care, he is “unknowing”. The danse macabre at the film’s end is another example of death’s non-discriminating nature – No matter one’s station in life, the Dance of Death unites us all.

There is just so much to think about in The Seventh Seal; I doubt any of this barely scratches the surface. It’s one of those films I thought I would feel indifferent about a third into it, but a few days later I’m still thinking about it, trying to piece it all together, so it must have done something right. I realise I may well have waffled quite a lot up to now, so well done if you’ve stuck it out!

Whilst the cinematography, editing, etc, aren’t anything special, this leaves more for attention to be focused on the themes and messages brought up, rather than being distracted by other things. It’s a film where dialogue is king and Bergman has written some truly superb stuff here. If you miss any of it, you could miss out on something that adds a huge amount to the story. It’s beautifully written, perfectly highlighting Antonius’s inner turmoil and struggles as he battles to make sense of his life before Death inevitably catches up with him. There is also a smattering of humour throughout, particularly from Jöns who seems much more matter-of-fact than Antonius and happy to tell everything as he sees it. This humour is much needed as without it, the film could have become a little too heavy and depressing.

I get the feeling that The Seventh Seal is a film I’ll need to watch more than once to fully appreciate. There are so many different things going on under the surface that one view doesn’t seem to do it justice. Whilst I did enjoy the first viewing, I was sometimes left a little perplexed by certain events and their meaning, which could well be a comment on my lack of critical understanding rather than the film itself. Like I mentioned before, there is a fairly straightforward story at the heart of the film, but it is one that some may struggle to really get into. It’s not one to be thrown on if you’re looking for some light viewing; you really need to give it your full attention. And if you do so, you’ll find a film that challenges you to think, which is something not a lot of films do anymore.

Chris

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