With the recent release of Battleship, I got to thinking if there were any other board games that could be turned into films. I figured it wouldn’t really matter if the concept was completely and utterly absurd because, well, just look at Battleship. Here’s just a few that could make the jump from board game to box office…
Players move around the board buying up and developing property in an attempt to make their opponents bankrupt.
A world government, run by bankers headed by an old fellow with a top hat and moustache, decides the world’s major cities are to be privatised. Various high profile people, each with an obsession for random objects, eg. dogs, cars, boats, hats, must race to be the first to deposit a briefcase of cash at a destination within each city to claim control of it. Meanwhile, the evil Mr Moustache Man dispatches his jailer henchman to make life even more complicated. Basically Wacky Races meets The Hunger Games. With free parking everywhere.
Mr Car – Vin Diesel
Mr Dog – Owen Wilson
Madame Boot – Helen Mirren
Sir Hat – Stephen Fry
Miss Iron – Angelina Jolie
Mr Boat – Willem Dafoe
Mr Moustache Man – Anthony Hopkins
Jailer – Vinnie Jones
Community Chest – Megan Fox
“Can they beat the bankers and pass Go?”
Players must try to remove various items from a patient who is disturbingly awake throughout the whole process. But be aware, those who aren’t careful enough will cause the patient to buzz and his nose light up. Just like real life.
A surgeon develops a pioneering new transplant procedure where he can completely alter someone’s image to become an entirely different person with a new personality. However, the procedure is still in its infancy and the only person he can accurately create is the dad from classic cartoon The Jetsons. A mild mannered and otherwise introvert test patient, desperate to escape his current life as a recluse, decides to undergo the procedure, but when something goes wrong and he’s turned into a psychotic, murderous version of the intergalactic family man, the surgeon must track him down and reverse the operation.
Surgeon – John Cusack
Test patient who gets turned into a murderous version of the dad from The Jetsons – Rupert Grint
Kidnapped victim of the test patient who gets turned into a murderous version of the dad from The Jetsons – Miley Cyrus
“He’ll really get under your skin”
Players compete to capture as many balls as possible by eating them with hippos with weirdly extendable necks. Usually results in repetitive strain injury and severe tinitus.
A pharmaceutical company has been dumping toxic waste in an African river for years. Townsfolk living near the river begin to disappear mysteriously and a SWAT team from America (fuck yeah!) are brought in to investigate. They arrive to find the whole town completely deserted. Upon inspection over the nearby river banks, they find masses of skeletons and mangled corpses. ‘WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON??!!!!’ they all think. As they explore the area, members of the crew are attacked and disappear. It turns out that the toxic waste dumped into the river has caused a genetic mutation of all the hippos and turned them into savage killers. They’re super fast, super strong, super intelligent and above all super hungry. Can the team defeat the hippos before they become lunch? Think Alien – with hippos.
Squad leader – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson
Trigger happy squadie – Bradley Cooper
Sensitive squadie – James McAvoy
Idiot squadie – Jonah Hill
Token female squadie – Rosamund Pike
Mutated killer hippos – hippos
“They’re hippos, and they’re hungry”
The possibilities are practically endless for games that could be turned into films. Although, yes I know that Battleship, Operation and Hungry Hippos aren’t technically board games, but i like the whole board game to box office thing. Sue me. If you’ve got any other ideas for games that would make good (or preferably awful) films then drop us a comment below.
Words: Chris Thomson